Home » Catholic » No More “Shallow Hals” Please……..

No More “Shallow Hals” Please……..

My husband died over two years ago. I mourned his death and came to terms with it after a year.  So for the last year I have been trying to start a new chapter in my life. I can’t tell you how weird it feels that my daughter is married and here I don’t even have a boyfriend.

I tried internet dating for a while and that was a disaster. I know I am not beautiful and that I am just average looking. Most guys are looking for outer beauty and physically fit. Hence I say the “Shallow Hals”. Last year I lost 80 pounds through eating healthy and a combination of walking and bike riding. After getting sick around Thanksgiving and not being able to exercise, I have gained 20 pounds back. I now have 45 pounds that I want to lose. This is going to be an uphill battle for me because I am not going to be able to exercise for a while. It will be mid-June before I can get out and walk and ride my bike like I want to.

Here is the problem I have with men right now. Most men want  a woman who is at least an eight. I know that there are men out there that are saying you are wrong. I am just saying what has been my experience. I consider myself a 5 or 6 realistically. However if you take my personality, heart and inner beauty into consideration, I think I become a 9. Now most guys will take one look at me and never give me the chance to show them my inner beauty. I am shy when I first get to know someone. I think some people see me as stuck up because of this when in reality I am just not used to talking to men.

I am a proud catholic and I take my faith very seriously. I can’t tell you how many guys this has turned off. Almost all the guys on the internet dating sites claim to be catholic but when it comes down to it they are not practicing. Family is the most important thing to me. Losing my husband has taught me if nothing else that life is a gift and not a given. I try to make each day count. My daughter is married and 21 and yet I have a very special relationship with her. We tell each other I Love You everyday and we are always very affectionate. Most of my co-workers and friends have kids her age that will show them no affection especially in public. I consider myself honored to have such a special daughter.  My mom is also very special in my life. She is suffering from early Alzheimer’s and needs my help sometimes. Men claim that family is important to them, but when it comes down to it they do not show it.  I have lost more than one guy because they didn’t like my daughter or her involvement in my life. Any man who wants to date me has to understand that I come with baggage in the form of my daughter, son-in-law, mom and of course our two dogs.

I don’t think my list of must haves is unreasonable or too long considering I am looking for a lifetime partner and not just someone to have fun with. I am looking for a catholic, family oriented, honest, faithful, hard-working, reliable, affectionate, romantic, easy-going man. I love music and sports. I do not like party boys or playboys. At my age I want someone who want to settle down and not add another notch to their belt. I almost forgot one of the most important things. He has to live somewhat close to me. I live just outside of Chicago but in Indiana. I DO NOT want someone in California or Florida or God forbid another country. Been there done that, it doesn’t work.   I do not want a long distance anything. I want to see and be able to touch the person who will become my boyfriend.

I know this post is coming off like a dating site profile. That is not the purpose of this message though. I am just trying to vent some of my dating or lack of dating experience for other to read. If anyone knows a “good” guy who meets all my criteria, let me know.  I have read other women’s sites who are widows and are going through the same thing I am. If anyone has feedback for me, please send me a comment. I want to hear what the blogging world has to say. Even men, let me know what you think about what I have written. Don’t be afraid, I can take it!




8 thoughts on “No More “Shallow Hals” Please……..

  1. I don’t have anything to offer, but encouragement. Your post is so good and brave. Don’t lose faith. God clearly has His hand on you and I’m sure He has great plans for you. Blessings to you on this journey!

  2. Thanks for the encouragement. I don’t consider myself brave, just honest. To me blogging gives me a chance to reach others and connect with people going through the same things. 🙂

  3. my advice would be – don’t give up. you will find someone who finds the beauty in all of you, not just the inner or outer you, and he is the one.

  4. I believe you will find someone too! He’s out there looking for someone as sweet and supportive as you… he just hasn’t found you yet!! I am just wondering if your church has a group for widows/widowers? That might be something you could look into. If not your church maybe an area church. Don’t give up 🙂 Love will find you!

  5. Thanks for the encouragement. One problem I am facing is a total lack of guys in the area in my age range. The guys are either too young or too old for me. It is like all the mid-forty to early fifty year old guys have been sucked into a black hole or something! I know God will send him to me one day. That is why I always keep my eyes open! 🙂

  6. You have to understand something about me. My husband was sick for four years before he died. I had plenty of time to talk everything out with him while he was still alive. I had closure with him at the time of his death. I got to skip a process that many widows take a long time to get through. It took me a year to come to terms with his death and find out who I am (or try to anyway). It is true I am ready to find someone, but that doesn’t mean the pain of losing him is over. He told me before he died “I am the one dying not you, you are too young to be alone. You need to find someone.” I am trying to do what he said. I am not brave, in reality I am scared.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s