A Few Good Men

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about men being “Shallow Hals”. When I wrote it I was trying to vent about how frustrating it is that so many men are just taking looks into consideration and not the total package. I was very negative in that post and made it seem like there are no good guys out there. This post hurt someone I care about and for that I am truly sorry. Let me explain my story.

There is a guy that I have been talking to for over 6 months that is truly a gem. He has all of the qualifications I had listed in my previous post. He is not drawn to a person based on looks but rather by what is in the person’s heart and soul. He likes me for the true person I am inside and out. He doesn’t care that I might only be a 5 or 6 on the outside because when he adds the beauty he sees inside me I become a 9.  I have never mentioned him before because I have never met him face to face and was waiting until I did so to tell everyone about him. We are currently separated by many miles and this is very hard on both of us. We have been talking almost daily on the computer and have become very close.

When I said I do not want a long distance relationship, I meant it. This does not mean that I am giving up on him though. I know that one day in the near future he will fix it so that we are not apart. I am willing to wait for that day. When you find someone who is special  you need to hold on to them. I know some of the wording in my “Shallow Hal” post might have come off like an add for dating. This was not my intention at all. I was trying to express how hard it is to find a good man. I know they are out there but they are few and far between.

I am not on this blog to find a man. I am here to meet with people who can relate to my life and what I am going through being a widow. Living alone it is good to get my feelings and thoughts out and sharing with others. It is also much cheaper than therapy!

I know there are good men out there. My “Sexy Amorous Man” is just one example.


No More “Shallow Hals” Please……..

My husband died over two years ago. I mourned his death and came to terms with it after a year.  So for the last year I have been trying to start a new chapter in my life. I can’t tell you how weird it feels that my daughter is married and here I don’t even have a boyfriend.

I tried internet dating for a while and that was a disaster. I know I am not beautiful and that I am just average looking. Most guys are looking for outer beauty and physically fit. Hence I say the “Shallow Hals”. Last year I lost 80 pounds through eating healthy and a combination of walking and bike riding. After getting sick around Thanksgiving and not being able to exercise, I have gained 20 pounds back. I now have 45 pounds that I want to lose. This is going to be an uphill battle for me because I am not going to be able to exercise for a while. It will be mid-June before I can get out and walk and ride my bike like I want to.

Here is the problem I have with men right now. Most men want  a woman who is at least an eight. I know that there are men out there that are saying you are wrong. I am just saying what has been my experience. I consider myself a 5 or 6 realistically. However if you take my personality, heart and inner beauty into consideration, I think I become a 9. Now most guys will take one look at me and never give me the chance to show them my inner beauty. I am shy when I first get to know someone. I think some people see me as stuck up because of this when in reality I am just not used to talking to men.

I am a proud catholic and I take my faith very seriously. I can’t tell you how many guys this has turned off. Almost all the guys on the internet dating sites claim to be catholic but when it comes down to it they are not practicing. Family is the most important thing to me. Losing my husband has taught me if nothing else that life is a gift and not a given. I try to make each day count. My daughter is married and 21 and yet I have a very special relationship with her. We tell each other I Love You everyday and we are always very affectionate. Most of my co-workers and friends have kids her age that will show them no affection especially in public. I consider myself honored to have such a special daughter.  My mom is also very special in my life. She is suffering from early Alzheimer’s and needs my help sometimes. Men claim that family is important to them, but when it comes down to it they do not show it.  I have lost more than one guy because they didn’t like my daughter or her involvement in my life. Any man who wants to date me has to understand that I come with baggage in the form of my daughter, son-in-law, mom and of course our two dogs.

I don’t think my list of must haves is unreasonable or too long considering I am looking for a lifetime partner and not just someone to have fun with. I am looking for a catholic, family oriented, honest, faithful, hard-working, reliable, affectionate, romantic, easy-going man. I love music and sports. I do not like party boys or playboys. At my age I want someone who want to settle down and not add another notch to their belt. I almost forgot one of the most important things. He has to live somewhat close to me. I live just outside of Chicago but in Indiana. I DO NOT want someone in California or Florida or God forbid another country. Been there done that, it doesn’t work.   I do not want a long distance anything. I want to see and be able to touch the person who will become my boyfriend.

I know this post is coming off like a dating site profile. That is not the purpose of this message though. I am just trying to vent some of my dating or lack of dating experience for other to read. If anyone knows a “good” guy who meets all my criteria, let me know.  I have read other women’s sites who are widows and are going through the same thing I am. If anyone has feedback for me, please send me a comment. I want to hear what the blogging world has to say. Even men, let me know what you think about what I have written. Don’t be afraid, I can take it!